Thursday, September 27, 2007

Be careful what you wish for...

...because it just may ruin your marriage.

I am struggling folks. Bad. I am so severly homesick and DH has been being a real prick to me which is doing nothing but making me sink even further into this funk. It's so bad right now that I am longing for Albany if you can believe that. I was ready to pack Oop and Bear up last night and start heading north. I don't know if my marriage can survive this and I don't know why DH has suddenly begun acting like this. *sobs*


At 12:21 PM, Blogger MTW said...


From a guy's standpoint, he's probably shaken and frustrated (at himself) because you're upset and he doesn't know how to fix it. I would be almost certain his reaction is because he's feeling like he's failing you somehow, not because he's upset with you.

He's your best friend. The two of you will get through this, tkitty. He needs you right now, too. Talk to him.

At 2:17 PM, Blogger kim (weltek) said...

Don't discount that this is a HUGE adjustment for both of you. Don't give up yet. Remember this is hard for both of you and it will require negotiation and some tears. Perhaps you had too high of expectations for the first few months. Don't worry, you'll get to that perfect place, it will just take some time.

I like what MTW said. Makes some sense.

Any luck on the job front? Even something to pass the time and make some friends?

At 3:03 PM, Blogger dragonflies said...

I can't believe I'm saying this, but MTW and Weltek are right tkitten.

The one thing that has kept me going through our trials of late is remembering my wedding vows. "For better or worse." Right now is closer to worse for you, but stick with it, talk to each other, and it will go back to better.

Now I have to take my own advice


At 8:00 PM, Blogger Puffy said...

Your bloggy friends give good advice. Listen to them.

Maybe both of your expectations of the move were too high. Keep communicating with each other.


At 8:12 AM, Blogger ~Nutz said...


Hang in there tkit. Your move was a huge adjustment for both of you.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger Zombs said...

Poor T-Kit!

Talk, talk and talk some more. Please! You both are in the middle of a huge adjustment.

If nothing else vow to each other to give it a year there. MTW and Kim are so right!

At 4:48 PM, Blogger Breezy said...

*hug* I agree with mtw and Kimmer.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger hooboosam said...

Tkit, I'm so sorry.

I agree with Mark & Kim.

I'll also add that perhaps DH is also feeling a little frustrated and resentful because he can't really turn back right now.

How are things going with him on the new job? Are they good for him? If so, maybe that is where some of his frustration and anger is coming from.

First, think about how miserable you were at your other job. That is part of the reason you are here now. And now you've been not working for 2 months - or almost 2 months I think. So you've had time to be at home dealing with all of the changes while DH is at work.

I think that once you are completely settled, you should start looking for something that you can do that will give you a new challenge. If you have to from a financial standpoint.

If not, now is a good time for you to really focus on yourself.

Hang in there. It is going to take some time. There is a huge difference in NY and NC. You have literally stepped into another world.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger hooboosam said...

I just went back and read your September 10 post. And I reiterate what I said in this post.


At 11:01 AM, Blogger hooboosam said...

And if you need to head north, head up to Richmond and see me and Luna.

At 2:49 PM, Blogger Asrai said...

Perhaps a peep meet would make you feel a bit better?! ((HUGS))

At 3:46 PM, Blogger Luna said...

I agree with Boo, and everyone else for that matter.

We didn't even move to a different town and yet we argued like cats and dogs when we moved last year.

Talk to him and let him know how you're feeling. Make yourself available for him to talk to as well, but give him his space if he needs to cool off for awhile. You guys just made a huge change in your life, so it's understandable.

Give it time, but if, after a month or two, you still feel like this, please consider seeing a counselor. Even if hubby won't go with you, it may be good to just be able to talk it through with someone else. My closest friend was on the verge of leaving her husband a few months ago. She was so close to the edge that she'd actually begun looking at apartments. But after talking things over with her counselor, they're both making an effort to improve their marriage and they're both happier than I've seen them in years.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger hooboosam said...

Happy Belated Birthday!!!!

Check in with us and tell us how you are doing.

At 3:37 PM, Blogger kim (weltek) said...

I emailed her "new" email address (the one she used after leaving her old job) and nothing back...that was about three weeks ago. I do hope she's ok. Anyone else heard from her?

At 9:51 PM, Blogger Bravie said...

I exchanged emails with her yesterday. She's hanging in there and might start blogging again soon.

At 10:36 AM, Blogger Swami said...

Hang in there, TK!

They never talk about 'culture shock' when you move inside your own country, but it happens with a long distance move to a place where everything smells different and people talk with an "accent." It is normal to feel lost and depressed when you are in culture shock. The best cure is putting down a new root or two.

Try to get some new routines going.

Take one of your dogs to a retreiving or an advanced obedience class? Dog people are good people.

See if there is neighborhood walking group to join. Sometimes, you need an "excuse" to put yourself into a place where you can just be in easy company.

Make a point to mention/talk about something positive with your DH, as part of just about every conversation. It may feel a bit forced but it is worth pushing for.

*Hopes things are going better*

At 5:25 PM, Blogger ~Nutz said...

*checks in to see what's up*

Hope you're ok! {{{hugs}}}

At 10:17 PM, Blogger Puffy said...

Hi! What's up?


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